Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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