a queef is a wish your heart makes.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
