I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize