I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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