Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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