I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
