if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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