Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
