i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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