How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just want nice things and good sex
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
