(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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