i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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