Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
