I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
