The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
