Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
