good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
