Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
someone owes me an orgasm
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am naked and annoyed.
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