It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
