I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
