based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
