I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
