it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
