bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
