Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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