dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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