I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
sarcasm needs its own font
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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