Pappa wants mamma naked
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
