My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
