im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
