haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
