Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
