I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
