I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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