I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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