i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
