nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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