you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
