Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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