As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
