made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
