A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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