You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Your cock deserves a montage
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
