Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
