Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
