She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This is my gift to your gina
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Randomize
