I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
