I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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