She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
