My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i think my mom watched the whole time
My balls are so social today.
Farmville is her only friend.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
