so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
