My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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