Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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